3 Tips for Setting for Setting Boundaries
We all operate in this world guided by the values we have learned from our families and environment we have and are living in. These values influence the decisions we make and how we think and feel about the world. Boundaries are a natural set of limits we have developed to help us navigate relationships and the world we live in. While these boundaries have helped us survive this world, sometimes they are not what we want them to be or as safe as they could be.
Our boundaries change over time as we continue to grow and evolve. These tips below can help guide you into making conscious, informed decisions with what you want your boundaries to become over time. Some boundaries are easy to change, such as I am going to set an alarm in the morning to make sure I wake up early enough to be on time to work. However, some boundaries are harder and take more time to not only implement but enforce, such as asking your family members not to comment on your appearance. Boundaries involving important relationships can take time to process and decide on how you want to say and implement them. They can also take courage to implement and continue to implement by having to repeat yourself until it sinks in with your loved ones that you are going to hold your limits for the sake of your own mental health and wellbeing.
I encourage you to talk to a therapist if you have big and/or scary boundaries you want to make. A therapist can help you process any changes you want to make, role play the situations so you are prepared, and offer encouragement if you doubt yourself.
Tip #1: Explore Your Boundaries
Learn about each boundary type and determine what styles of boundaries you hold for each type. By identifying your boundary types and styles you can better understand yourself and decide what changes you want to make…if any.
Tip #2: Determine Which Boundaries You Want to Change
Using the free downloadable worksheet, you can create SMART goals to help guide you through the process of developing a plan for change.
We have a countless amount of boundaries, so the handout is broken down into each type. There is only one smart goal box for each type, but you can make copies of the handout or write in a journal if you have more than one goal in mind for each type.
Tip #3: Start Small & Be Consistent
Once you know your end goals, you can create smaller more achievable goals to build upon. Success with small goals will give you motivation and momentum to keep working towards the end goal.
Now that you have decided what boundaries you want to set and even determined how to set them, don’t stop there. Keep Going! You may have to set the same boundary over and over again before it becomes second nature or known and respected by others, but keep saying it! Say it out loud. Say it in the mirror. Shout it from a roof top. Let everyone know, including yourself, what you stand for and how you will treat yourself, treat others, and let others treat you.
Remember some boundaries are easier to set than others, and it is okay to ask for help if you need encouragement and to process through the changes you want to make before making them. That’s what we, therapists, are here for, to help you process how you want to improve your quality of life and help you make any desired changes.
If you feel ready to make some changes in your life, contact us here. I would be happy to help you figure out what boundaries are missing from your life, help you set those boundaries, and hold you accountable in reinforcing those boundaries.
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